I encountered one of the most difficult experiences I've ever had at work last week and find myself periodically bothered by the details. Church was great on Sunday. I've been able to enjoy sitting in one the sermons for a few months now, Max now well settled in the nursery, and the time with the kids equally rewarding. Coming home to go on to the next thing I found myself thinking about the work craziness again. It sneaks in. It or he?
"Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it." Genesis 4:6-7
"...sin is crouching at the door, and its desire is for you, but you must master it" has been stuck in my head. Why must the world desire to see people fail? Why are we lured in to see what people have messed up in their lives? I saw a magazine last summer that pictured all of that. It had celebrity women on the cover giving a report card to each of them on how good of a mother they were. Can you believe it?! I'm not friends with any of those celebrities but I know that being a mother is the hardest job I've ever had and the public...random people want to give their opinion on how well you're doing! Craziness. Is sin really crouching at the door? It says it is here and I lean toward believing that God's word is true because well, He's God. I have noticed distinct times when I saw the choice to sin in my anger and go down a roller coaster of unpredictability of what comes next or step back and see with different eyes. I am not a competitive person until I read this verse and realize that there is an enemy who is fighting for me and the fight isn't for me because I'm worth having or good for some use of his but just simply to pull from God and be robbed of His joy. BAM! I will fight back and run to God...with God. Master it!!!
My kids have a book about the concept of caring about people's opinions and the characters, the Wemmicks run around all day giving stars or dots to each other based on whether they think are good enough or someone to look down on. Whose opinion matters? Mine, yours, the people we work with, the people who see us failing in the supermarket with unruly children or the same people who praise us for the times are children act like angels? None of them.
I didn't know how much people's opinions mattered to me until fairly recently. What a hindrance! What a burden to carry! And praise God that I can see it now when faced with not being able to redeem myself in the eyes of some people I encountered last week. "even though princes sit and talk against me, Your servant meditates on Your statutes." (Psalm 119)
I serve an Almighty God. And in His name is righteousness and justice...love, grace. Oh so much grace. We are but dust without Him.
Grace upon grace shows itself when I look around and just notice. My breath catches in my chest so often when I behold my kids. It's more than just noticing how cute I think they are. It's as if God is giving me eyes to see what fearfully and wonderfully made people He can fashion. He is good. He is my joy, my full and complete joy. It would all mean nothing without Him.
"Why yes, I will be a big boy if that's okay!"
I praise You God for Your great faithfulness!
"Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has ever been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Trust in Him today! You were made to be His. He. is. everything.